Memories my story my thoughts

2020 the year of tests.

It starts with a tickle in your throat for a day or two then you develop a nasal drip and out of nowhere one morning you wake up and your throat feels as though you have swallowed razor blades. That burning sensation that follows every time you try to swallow the mucus that is building up in the back of your nasal passages and putting pressure on your brain causing you to squint as you open your eyes thanks to the thumping in your sinuses.
You can hear your chest rumbling with every breath you take as the air passes through the clogged up airways being blocked by phlegm and constrictions caused by the virus. Your lungs tighten as you seem to be to breath in without being abke to exhale sufficiently to draw a new breath. You start to panic as you feel your body weaken, you try to expel the blockages by coughing and even your cough sounds like the rumbling of thunder as the fluids rasp at the lining of your chest in defiance.
Without warning the sweat starts to drip from your brow and down your neck as you feel the dampness pass through your entire body and you wipe away handfuls of moisture from your hair and even your legs are clammy and damp. You lay down only to feel the tide turn and where a few minutes ago you were expelling heat you are suddenly shivering and your body trembles uncontrollably as you search for duvets and blankets to crawl under in order to build up your body temperature.
As night falls, and the sun sets you realise that it is going to be a long night as you struggle to draw breath and the unrelenting coughing is causing you discomfort and anxiety.
Your mind starts to drift as you think of all the negative publicity being poured out about people not surviving this virus and as you lay their you start thinking which part of the statistics will your name be associated to, the survivors or those that bravely fought this invisible enemy and lost the battle.
But then you realise you have made it through the day and you had no option but to make it through the next and the next because giving up is not an option. The fight is not over until either side loses and you have never lost a fight before and you are not prepared to start now.
Every day you wake up with this demon inside you is a battle that you need to face up to and take what it give you but you give as hard as you take. You cough harder, you sweat longer and you show yourself that you can beat it in to submission because it is only another test sent to try and break you but you know you can bend but you will not break. Covid is a reality, the last 9 days have been hell but they have not managed to break my spirit nor my belief that we determine more about how it will affect us than we know. If we let it rule us and beat us into submission we could certainly perish but if we are strong and resistant our minds are our best weapon against an enemy that attacks us in order to weaken our minds in order to destroy our bodies. Day 9 and yes I am not saying I am 100% but I will get there because I have to, for those that depend on me and for those I depend on. Thanks to those that have sent me messages of support, much appreciated, I have not fallen yet.

Day 12. For the first time in almost 2 weeks the barbed wire has left my chest and my throat although my ears are still sore and I have a little man with a sledge hammer banging on the back of my eye balls reminding me that my fight is not quite over yet. My chest still feels as if I have a baby elephant sitting on me squeezing my lungs into a tight ball extracting every ounce of oxygen out of by body whilst preventing me from drawing another breath. The deep cracks in my tongue caused by the fever feel like crevices in the grand canyon as the burning sensation explodes every time I swallow. Yet I am alive and grateful for every minute as slowly feel my health building up and my strength returning. Covid has not broken me, but it has made me realise that nature is not something to be taken lightly. Your mind is the strongest antidote to fighting and surviving, never give up fighting the unseen because when we do it will beat us down and we will lose the battle. Thanks to the support from friends, colleagues and acquaintances for the unwavering support during the past 12 days. It is not completely over but the back of this monster is broken I believe and soon I will be back on the streets with my huskies putting on mileage and strengthening my love for life. This enemy can only be truly defeated if we support each other and stand together but also never give up hope, it may bend us but we can not allow it to break us.

By Sean Snyman

A white South African male with life experiences that have shaped and moulded the person you see before you today. No strings no fuss, what you see is what you get.

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